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• How do I find the best preschool for my child?
• Are there any tips for picking a preschool?
• What is the best preschool in the area?
You are a concerned parent. Your decision to select the best preschool for your child’s unique needs is a difficult one. Should you check online? … With a friend? … With community educators? The answer is all! All of your resources are valid checkpoints to help find the best environment for your child.
In fact, as someone who has worked with young children since 1994, I too receive many inquiries regarding Preschool selection. My name is Cullen, and I’m a proud and passionate preschool teacher. I fell in love with preschoolers when I first started working as a Day Care instructor and soon I transitioned to preschool, teaching three and four year olds. Over the years, I have even been a preschool director. But my true love and passion is teaching preschoolers and that is what I concentrate on now.
This article, based on my experience, offers guidelines, suggestions, insights and a simple grading system to help you select the best preschool for your child. Read through these tips, and give your child (and you) a great first experience with school!
Here’s what we will discuss:
• The People Priority: Teachers
• Be Cautious: The Lure of Preschool Popularity
• Be Open to All Programs
• Be Comfortable with Staff, Facility, Location
• Selection Process
• The First Visit: Roles and Expectations
• Tour Questions and Comments
• Grade Your “Feelings” About the Teacher
• Grade Your “Feelings” about the Staff and Facility
• Questions to Ask During the Tour
• Observations After The Tour
• Grading After the Tour
• Using the Grading System to Select your Favorite Preschools
• The Second Visit Assessment
• Many Thanks!
• Preschool Grading Form
The People Priority: Teachers
In life, business, and education “people” are the key to happiness and success. When selecting a preschool for your child, make the “people” factor your most important consideration. The most important influencers on your child’s development in preschool are the teachers. For this single reason, teachers should be your primary consideration in selecting a preschool. The teacher is the one who will be spending the most time with your child and helping him or her develop socially, emotionally, physically, and intellectually.
Be careful not to make secondary factors – popularity, type of program, staff, facility, location – your primary objective.
Be Cautious: The Lure of Preschool Popularity
Popularity is a strong factor for many parents in selecting a preschool. Many areas have preschools that are considered the “best” and have long waiting lists. Please remember, you are looking for the best preschool for your individual child. Always keep your search focused on what is best for your child. Who knows, this mindset may even lead you to a different preschool than one your other children attended. Please do not allow popularity to cloud your feelings for what is best for your individual child.
Be Open to All Programs
Many times, parents make the type of preschool program their primary consideration, when it should actually be secondary. Many people have a preconceived ideas about the type of preschool program they want for their children, only touring facilities with specific types of programs. (Common preschool programs include: Developmental, Academic, Play-based, and Montessori.) If you are fixed on a specific program, you are limiting your opportunities to find the best teacher for your child. If you accept that you are looking for the perfect teacher, rather than a preschool program, you will create more opportunities to find that teacher.
Be Comfortable with Staff, Facility, Location
You should also feel comfortable with support staff (teacher aides and administration). Teacher aides are crucial because they have significant interaction with your child.
It is also important to be happy with the actual preschool facility and the classroom environment. The classroom space must be large enough, used effectively, and be well maintained. If you notice or sense any safety or security issues with the preschool you should remove it from your list immediately.
Location is another factor that parents often use as their primary consideration. This will also limit your opportunities to find the best teacher. Of course location is an important factor, but just don’t make it the prime factor
How to Find Preschools
• Learn from “word of mouth”
• Search the Internet
• Read local parenting newspapers
• Contact a local Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group
• Check the yellow pages
Tip: Google Maps now have a “Find business” option. Go to maps.google.com and type in your city name and the word “preschool” for business … a listing of all the preschools in your city will appear!
Selection Process
Preschools set up tour appointments during the school year. (Open registration can start as early as the January before the next Fall term.) Some preschools have waiting lists, so it’s never too early to start touring. Call at least five preschools and set appointments for tours. Make sure your selected preschools include a mix of programs (Developmental, Academic, Play-based, and Montessori.)
Most preschools also have open houses. They are a convenient way to visit preschools and talk with the teachers to get an idea if they would be a good fit for your child. Please do not rely only on open house visits to make your preschool selection. Touring the preschool and seeing the teacher in action with the children is the best way to develop a feeling if they would be a good fit for your child
The First Visit: Roles and Expectations
During the first visit, you should observe all aspects of the preschool, including the teacher(s), staff, program, and facility. Use my Preschool Grading Form (found at the end of this article) to help you compare preschools.
The majority of your interaction will be with the person giving you the tour; most likely a secretary, the preschool director, or the principal. This person will give you the tour, describe the preschool program, and answer any questions you may have. Expect to be taken on a tour of the classrooms, the play area, and other points of interest of the preschool.
While you will most likely get a chance to meet the teacher, do not expect the teacher to discuss any questions in any depth. The teacher’s role is to engage with the children in the class. If the teacher turns out to be one of your favorites, you can ask to contact the teacher (live meeting, by phone, or email) and request another visit during “free play time” to closely observe the teacher.
If you can, visit the first group of preschools without your child. You can then take your child to your favorites when you visit them a second time. If you do bring your child, hold his or her hand and watch his or her reactions when observing a classroom. Only allow your child to interact if invited by the teacher.
A Simple Grading System
Visiting a list of preschools can be overwhelming. It’s often difficult to remember what you liked. So, use a simple and consistent grading system to help you determine your favorites.
I recommend an easy A, B, C, D, and F grading system:
A = Very Good Feeling
B = Good Feeling
C = Ok Feeling
D = Bad Feeling
F = Very Bad Feeling
Tour Questions and Comments
Below is a list of helpful questions to use when touring a preschool. Following the questions are comments to give you some insight and knowledge on why you should ask these particular questions. You can download the free two page “Preschool Grading Form,” formatted so you can easily print it out and take it with you when you tour a preschool for the first time at www.cullensabcs.com.
Before the tour begins, be proactive and ask these important questions to the person giving you the tour. You are about to enter preschool land, and things can get funny, wild, and crazy fast. So ask these questions at the beginning, before leaving the preschool office. The answers will allow you to make better observations once the tour starts.
What is your role at the preschool?
Ask the person giving the tour what his/her role is at the school: secretary, director, or principal? It is always good to know the role of the person giving you the tour before the tour begins. The director should have the most knowledge and understanding of the preschool program, but at many preschools the secretary may be a good resource too.
What are the teachers’ names, and in what order are we going to see them?
Write the teachers’ names down on your Preschool Grading Form in the “Grade Your Feelings About the Teacher” section. Now you will be prepared to easily record your first impression of each teacher.
How long has each of the teachers been teaching at this preschool?
If all the teachers have only been at the preschool a short period of time, it may indicate some issues with the program. If they have been there for some time, it indicates they are valued by those who run the program. If a teacher has been there a very long time, make sure that he or she still has the passion to teach preschoolers. Ideally, the teachers should be happy and love working with preschoolers.
How long have they been teaching 3 or 4 year olds?
It is completely different teaching 3’s versus 4’s, so make sure the teacher teaching your child’s age group has experience with that age.
What is considered a “qualified teacher” in your program?
What are the academic qualifications? Are teachers certified in first aide and CPR? How many Early Childhood Education units (12 is the minimum required to teach at a preschool)? Have they been fingerprinted?
How are the teachers instructed to greet me on this tour?
Some preschools may not allow the teacher to greet you. It is nice to know this, so you do not think the teacher is being rude. What the teacher is doing when you visit may determine the type of greeting you get. At a minimum, you should get acknowledgement and a nice smile.
Are the teachers allowed to talk to me during the tour?
Some programs allow teachers to chat with you quickly, while others do not. A teacher should not spend a lot of time with you; their priority should be with the children.
What is my role during the tour?
Are you allowed to ask the teacher a quick question?
If your child is with you: What is my child’s role during the tour?
Is your child allowed to interact with the teacher or class?
What is the teacher-to-student ratio?
Anything over 1 teacher to 12 students is too high. During the tour, check to see if the teachers are within their stated teacher-to-student ratio.
Grade Your “Feelings” About the Teacher
Make sure your tour guide gives you enough time to observe each teacher in order to grade him or her on the following questions. Remember, these questions are designed to help you develop an overall feeling about the teacher and the preschool to determine the best choice for your child. Make sure you do not feel that you are being rushed though the tour.
• Immediately when you step into the classroom, does it have a warm, inviting, and positive feeling? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
• Does the teacher have a warm, positive, loving, and inviting feeling? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
• Is the teacher’s classroom organized and clean? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
You may come in when the children are playing and the room is messy at a time. This is ok because the children are engaged in activities and each other. Try to envision the classroom with everything in it place. Is it a well thought out organized environment?
• Is the teacher’s classroom environment chaotic or calm? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
• Look at the children’s faces: Are they engaged and happy, rather than bored, tense, or unhappy? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
• Does the classroom have many things for the children to choose from to interact and play with? (Grade A, B, C, D or F) Things to look for: Art Center, Block Play, Books, Dramatic Play, Games, Manipulatives, Mathematics, Music, Puzzles, Environmental Box, and Science. These areas help to enhance your child’s developmental experience in preschool.
• Did you observe “free play?” (Yes or No) Play in preschool has been called “free play” to emphasize that children’s role-play is partly free from the teachers’ planning and involvement.
• If you did observe free play was it child-directed play or teacher-directed play? (Child or Teacher) Child-directed play is when the child gets to choose what they play with, and teacher-directed play is when the teacher chooses what the child does.
• Were there opportunities for discipline? (Yes or No)
• If there were opportunities for discipline, how did the teacher handle it? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
Grade Your “Feelings” about the Staff and Facility
When meeting the preschool staff, such as the teacher’s aide, school secretary, preschool director, or school principal, are they friendly, smiling, happy people that love working at the preschool? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
Children are very sensitive to their environment, so you want their classroom (teacher-influenced) and preschool (staff-influenced) environment be a warm, loving, and positive one. This question generates feelings on the preschool environment.
Examine the outside play equipment and the classroom furniture. Is it safe and is there plenty of space? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
Questions to Ask During the Tour
These questions are designed to generate your feelings about the preschool. The answers are not intended to be graded, because there is no right answer. You can ask these questions while on the tour, and at the end before you leave.
What is the one very best thing about your preschool?
Try to ask this to as many people as possible. Most likely answers will vary, but look for a common thread.
What is the daily schedule for the classroom and how does it benefit learning?
An example schedule: Circle Time, Art with Inside and Outside Play, Clean Up, Bathroom Break, Snack, Books or Puzzles, Clean Up, Outside Play, Sharing, Small Group Time, Prepare to Go Home, Line Up, Sing Goodbye Song. One day each week has a visit to the library or includes physical education.
Will my child receive a snack at preschool?
Most preschools provide snack. Are they prepared by the employees or by your child? Some places are family style where the children sit together and work on their manners, pouring their own juice, and taking turns in conversation. Some preschools have snack prepared, and children come and eat as they please.
How is discipline handled in the classroom?
The best answer should be a list of different steps depending on the situation. Not one solution such as a Time Out or Redirecting is a quality or complete answer.
What type of preschool program are you?
Do not let them just give you a brochure to read, ask them to describe the program in their own words.
Is the preschool program faith-based?
This may or may not be an important question for you, but if it is, make sure you find out what they focus on to instill faith in your child’s daily life.
What is the role of the teacher’s aide?
The aide’s role is to assist the teacher with preparing the classroom for the day ahead and to assist with children throughout their time together.
What is the mission statement of the preschool?
Try to ask this to as many people (secretary, director, principal, and teacher) as possible. Once again do not let them just give you a brochure with the mission statement. Ask each one of them to describe the mission statement to you in their own words. If all answers are consistent it will tell you if there is strong communication within the preschool program.
How are parents incorporated into the classroom and the preschool program?
Most programs extend invitations to parents to help in the classroom with specific activities. Also, parent clubs, school boards, and fund raising activities are common ways for parents to get involved with the preschool.
Are there specific activities for parents to meet other parents?
You may desire opportunities to meet other parents or not.
What is your program’s curriculum?
The curriculum is the subjects taught in schools, or the elements taught in a particular subject. This question will give you insight into the priorities of the preschool program. It may be more focused on social development compared to academic development. Remember, the most important factor to your child’s development in any area is the teacher.
What percent of your preschool program is focused on social versus academic development?
Many people have preconceived ideas about social or emotional vs. academic development, but the teacher leading your child’s development is the most important factor.
Do you have a process of testing or screening children going from preschool to kindergarten?
This is good information for you to know up front. Many parents are surprised to find out testing or screening is done on children going from preschool to kindergarten.
During the school year can I communicate with my child’s teacher via email?
The answer to this question tells you a few things. First, when you are dropping off or picking up your child at preschool, it is not a good time for the teacher to answer your important questions. Email is a fast and effective way for you to send a question; this allows the teacher to digest it and reply back or set up a time to talk. Second, if teachers are using email, it is a good sign since they are probably utilizing the great wealth of information on the Internet to get ideas for their classroom and enhance their teaching skills.
How are teachers evaluated and how often?
This question may stump them. We all get graded in someway, so it is only fair to understand how the preschool teachers are graded.
Observations After The Tour
Did anyone encourage you to visit other programs, and instruct you to ask anything specific about other programs? (Yes or No)
The questions they tell you to ask other preschools are an indication of what they feel are the strengths of their preschool.
How do you feel about the tour guide’s knowledge of the teachers and understanding of the program?
If they rushed you through the classroom, or if they did not answer your questions completely, they just may not have complete knowledge of the preschool program. If the person giving the preschool tour does not have a good understanding of the preschool, it is likely that every one at the preschool may not be on the same page. In addition, if they have problems communicating verbally, there may be problems with communication in general.
Grading After the Tour
How do you feel the teachers at the preschool fit with your child? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
This is the most important question.
Do you feel this preschool program is the best environment for your child and you? (Grade A, B, C, D or F)
Note: If you sense a safety or security issue with the preschool you should remove that preschool from your list immediately.
Using the Grading System to Select your Favorite Preschools
If you ask the suggested questions and grade the questions you will most likely quickly develop a feeling for your favorite preschools. In case you do not, review your grades to help you determine your favorite preschools. Remember this grading system is just a guide to help you determine your top preschools to visit a second time. There are intentionally more questions about the teachers because the teachers are the most important factor in your decision. Once you have visited numerous types of preschool programs you will develop a feeling for which preschools, regardless of program type, have the best teacher(s) for your child. These are the preschools you should visit a second time.
You can download the free two page “Preschool Grading Form,” formatted so you can easily print it out and take it with you when you tour a preschool for the first time at www.cullensabcs.com.
The Second Visit Assessment
After completing all your initial tours, visit your favorite preschools a second time. During the second visit, your focus should be on the teacher(s), making sure they are a good fit for your child.
Try to arrange the second visit during “free play time.” Free play is a great time to observe teachers, because you can see the teacher’s skills at work and many dynamics of the class During this second visit, you should be able to make an assessment regarding the teacher in less than 20 minutes. Once you have made all your second visits, you will most likely be ready to make a decision.
If you feel you need additional visits, feel free to schedule them. In the end, you must trust your instincts regarding which teacher is best for your child. Remember that teachers are the key to a positive and successful preschool experience for your child.
Many Thanks!
Thank you for caring so much about the education and development of your child. I hope you will find this article helpful when selecting the best preschool for your child. By following my tips and using the questions, grading system, and its related print-out form, you will make the best decision for your child…I am sure of it!
If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to also log on to visit Cullen’s abc’s (www.cullensabcs.com) to find free and easy, creative, ideas that stimulate children’s development at home. The ideas are presented in short videos on YouTube, so they are easy to follow and understand. There are a wide array of videos on topics such as books to read, book reviews, art projects, and activities. You’ll find many creative ideas that can be prepared and done inexpensively around home. You can even subscribe to Cullen’s abc’s Idea Update, a free daily email! Cullen Wood has been working with young children since 1994. She currently is a Preschool Teacher at St. Tim’s Lutheran School in San Jose, California. Cullen is also the founder of Cullen’s abc’s (www.cullensabcs.com), which offers free ideas to support child development at home. Cullen’s abc’s is pioneering the use of YouTube for sharing free educational idea videos that stimulate preschool development at home.

Let’s face it… kids are EXHAUSTING. And the romantic side of a relationship is often trumped by a need for sleep.
Parents don’t want to talk openly about this topic, but I can assure you that many are experiencing this problem. It’s extremely common for tired parents to opt for sleep over love making. While you might feel guilty saying “Not tonight honey” it doesn’t change a thing. You’re still not interested.
And, lack of sleep doesn’t just affect your sex life.
Tired parents have fewer coping skills, are more irritable and are more easily frustrated than well rested ones. This can have a domino effect on the family. Kids act up, parents get cranky, kids act up more, and parents get even crankier. And the relationship can suffer too. Partners can feel resentful which can morph into anger.
So, for all the parents who don’t want sleep to be their new sex, here are some tips for helping them get the rest they need:
1. Take naps anytime you can. Ask dad to take shifts on weekends so mom can catch a few extra zzzzz’s.
2. Reciprocate. Dads get tired too so make sure you swap off the kids and give him time to nap.
3. Call in the troops. Whether it’s your mom, a sister, or a friend, find someone who can come in and take the children off your hands. If it’s a neighbor you trust, offer to reciprocate in some way. Perhaps you could trade kids another time and give him/her a break. Consider doubling up your cooking efforts by making an extra meal. Share it with your neighbour. You’d be surprised how open they might be to having a fresh lasagna ready to go for dinner.
4. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Drop everything and crawl under those covers, even if the dishes have piled up in the sink. If you have a toddler, put her down too so that everyone naps at the same time. If he resists, persevere! Try putting him in your bed and snuggle up together. If there’s an older child present, set up activities where he can manage his own time for about an hour while you get an uninterrupted snooze.
5. Put in some ear plugs. During those times when others are in the home while you’re trying to nap put ear plugs in so those household noises doesn’t disturb you. If that’s not enough to create a soundless atmosphere add an extra pillow on top of your ear. (This is not recommended if you’re alone with your children as you’d not be able to hear them in case of an emergency.)
6. Get a book on sleep problems. If your child or children are having difficulty sleeping and that’s part of your reason for your exhaustion, invest in a good book on resolving sleep issues. I recommend The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parents Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep-From Birth to Age 5 by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivak. It’s one of the books I assessed for Chapter’s Books as one of their Trusted Advisors and it offers parents systems and strategies to get kids to nap, sleep through the night, etc.
Getting enough sleep is critical for parents. Proper rest is not just good for your mood, your immune system and your sanity, but proper sleep makes you feel human again!! Terry Carson, M.Ed. is Canada’s first certified Parenting Coach. As a mother of four, she knows the challenges facing today’s parents. Her CD Excuse Me! helps to teach their children how to politely interrupt and how to get rid of whining. To purchase Excuse Me! go to www.TheParentingCoach.ca. Also, sign up for The Parenting Newsletter and receive “The #1 Mistake Good Parents Make” as a free gift.

Its Not Easy No one said it would be easy – the rights, roles and responsibilities of parents have been so disguised and disfigured that they are nothing more than a cloudy haze.  Parenthood has been encumbered with so many changes, new laws and rules that it’s hard to perceive what is real and what is not! As a mother of four and grandmother of seven, my 67 years here on this “ole mother earth” gives me a decided edge on the evolution of parenthood and the affects it has had on our country and on our families. During a portion of the 60 plus years I’ve been on the inside of parenthood looking out and as my children became parents – my position has been on the outside looking in …  My eldest child is a single parent with three children and I’ve experienced firsthand the struggles that single parents must endure. My youngest child has a traditional marriage; both parents are professionals and work long hours.  Their children have non-parental caregivers for a portion of each day. My middle child opted for an old-fashioned marriage, the mother stayed at home and the father remained in the work force.  They are the living proof that an old fashioned marriage can survive in our modern society. Divorce, shacking up with the opposite sex and addictions aren’t strangers to our family.   In fact, we’ve been shaken up and repeatedly tested for weaknesses and yet our family unit remains strong and resilient.   My family isn’t unique, no sir, there are millions of other families that have or are being challenged and they too will survive. Although government and religion is mentioned in this little book – this isn’t a debate about either one.   It’s about our children and the pain they’re experiencing due to a major breakdown in the parent/child relationship caused by the “meddlers, peddlers and the gov. The meddlers are the ones who actually changed the once strong foundation of our Nation;  they are the ones who have aggressively removed the rights of parents by attacking all things that are morally and spiritually based. Prayer has been removed from our schools and as a second thought the Ten Commandments were tossed out of our courts and public places, because it was their right – I don’t think so! Their strategy for removing parental rights was based on timing and assistance from the peddlers.  The peddler’s job(media) was to sell us the propaganda about “self” and the pleasures of life we’d been missing.   (In September of 2008, the news media is still working hard to hand feed us information that has been revised, rearranged and regurgitated in order to evoke a specific response from us.) This partnership between the “meddlers & peddlers” was a game of chess and after their pawns had a solid position in the Supreme Court and when our government was sitting around with their “pants down” or whatever our leaders have been doing the past several decades – they methodically made their moves. Excuse my insensitivity, but when our society flaunts a new era about “self” that is harming our children – I get more than a little bit agitated.   Children are the future of America; each and every one of them deserve the tools, support and love that America is capable of giving them. Regardless of one’s religion, Atheist, Mormon, Jew, Christian or other – it’s time to bring morality back to our Nation all for the love of our children.  Whether you believe in God or not, surely you will concede that “One Nation Under God” is a basic human right granted to all by our forefathers. It’s a fundamental right that wasn’t broken and didn’t need fixed: it has been the mainstay and the solid foundation for our country since it was founded.  You have the right to believe whatever you wish, but no one has the right to mess around with our Constitution! Basically, it’s like getting up one morning and saying, “I don’t like the direction the freeway traffic is headed – so I’ll just drive the wrong way regardless of who it may hurt.” Our country must make decisions that are good for the majority and we shouldn’t have to worry about a few disgruntled bystanders, who spend all of their time chipping away at our countries’ foundation.  It’s not about me, it’s not about you – it’s about our children and their children. Here’s a perfect example of the “meddlers & peddlers” in action.  CNN announced to the world that the Republican VP nominee’s daughter is pregnant, wow, so are 750,000 other teens in our US. Their family isn’t immune to adversity, but I’m betting the father and mother will support and continue loving their young daughter.  What this does mean is our news media with some outside help will take this piece of news and beat it to death. There’s only one message here, “Real people have real problems.”   None of us are immune to adversity!  Usually, stones can only be thrown so long before they loose their sting!   Hopefully Americans can filter through the media maize make wise decisions this election year.  Parents are tired of the same ole, same ole from all politicians – they want the mud slinging to stop. Idle promises and what ifs no longer satisfy our parents and grandparents;  they are starting to take back their “rights, roles and responsibilities.”   They want real solutions for real problems and they’re searching for leaders who are capable of leading! Leaders who can aggressively get us out of debt, revive our economy, provide health insurance for all and the list goes on…   So parents, grandparents and concerned citizens, “We can continue blaming, criticizing and pointing our finger or we can stop our “pity party” and get back to the basics of parenthood. Actually, parents and grandparents are the heroes who can put America back on its once strong foundation, but we need a little bit of help here before the election.  Next,  America needs an honest, unbiased news source that will get off the political bandwagon and return to good journalism and editorials.  It’s time for someone out in the fantasy world of news to join hands with us and work for a common cause – give us the truth (not a garbled up bunch of crap.) It’s not the responsibility of the media to make decisions for us, our children or our country.  It’s their responsibility to deliver the cold hard facts better know as the real truth! We’ll do just fine making the right decision and we don’t need them messing with our heads anymore.  Next, we only have a few days before the Presidential Election and the candidates should be concentrating(once again) on our broken economy, fuel problems, health, education etc…  We need to know step by step how they will address the major issues that our country faces at this time – promises aren’t going to be a big hit in this upcoming election. It’s obvious that our candidates in 2008 are playing the old game of “king of the mountain or hill.”   The propaganda and candidate bashing doesn’t really help their cause and it’s losing us valuable time and money. More time is being spent on politicking than on our Nation’s future.  It’s time for someone to remove themselves from the vicious political scam and get real!  It’s okay to tell us the truth – we’re resilient, hardworking citizens that can support an honest government, but please cut the theatrics.  One more thing must occur before our Nation can get on the road to recovery – parents must retrieve their “God” given rights and become awesome role models for their children. Fathers and mothers need to become the head of the household again and guide, direct, teach and discipline their children.  Getting back to the basics of love will ensure a strong foundation for America and leave a legacy for our children that they can wrap their arms around. Let’s not allow this Presidential Election to be a fashion show or political popularity fiasco – frankly color, sex or race certainly shouldn’t be deciding factors when we go to the polls and select our countries leaders for the next four years.  Haven’t we had enough of the our “Government’s” box office hits that are here today and gone tomorrow?   There are 5 other chapters that can be seen onlin for free:  http://www.yourannie.com
As Always, Annie Grandmother of 7 who loves to jog, write, play with my grandchildren and debate with my grown children.

Which road do I have to take to rear a good child? Not to mention, you have to start working on the baby’s nursery as well. Getting the necessary baby items such as feeding bottles, clothes, cribs, tons of diapers and other baby things as well can be stressful. The process of being a new parent. You cannot go into any store to acquire your parenting skills nor can you download parenting skills on the internet. To be able to assist your child in learning how to properly cope up with life and how to face its vicissitudes, you should allow your parenting skills to kick in and let it guide you on the right path. Here are the processes that you should know to become skilled in parenting. You will learn good parenting skills when you allow your child to win sometimes and make sure that he/she loses as well in some battles that they face. There will be times when you will disapprove of your child’s actions and attitude, but remember you do not want to traumatize your child in the process. Remember that too much criticism is not going to do you any good in in your parent and child relationships. Parenting is a never-ending job. For sure, we all want our children to have better and happier lives than ours were. There is a time where the fine line of parenting is nothing but wide, smooth and straight, that is when you know exactly what to do. Most parents want nothing but the best for their children. The first response of your child’s question that parents gives to their kid is important and will possibly stick with your child for the rest of their lives. Parenting is the most underpaid job ever and you do not even earn anything from being a parent. Teach your kids self-reliance Now that your children are adults, they too understand that everyone is responsible for the way they built their lives. When your child has responsibilities, (even at a tender age) they too feels proud of their achievements and often feel needed, feel important and of course feel loved. Always remember to allow your child to earn things that they want and not for you not to give in to easily to their wants. Get more compliance from your child. If the situation is for a frustrated child, you can then say, “I know that you are irritated right now since you having a hard time finishing building your Lego tower, even I understand that it is hard to leaving your Lego tower unfinished”, which will help to gain more cooperation from your child. Relate to your child what you are seeing and also state what you would like to see for instance, “Oh you really like saying NO. In order to gain more cooperation from your child, try to think preventative – A lot of children develop a pattern of negativity and some specific triggers can set a child off at any moment in time therefore try to look for that trigger resulting in your child’s defiance and then attempt to alter that pattern so that your child will be successful and more cooperative. Common child and parent problems. Parents then have to try and learn how to let go by letting their child become a little bit more independent. A lot of the lessons now are all computerized, most probably your child is more adept in using a computer than you are. So if you do not have one of these back at home and you are basically clueless about them do not even contemplate on trying to help your child with their school work. We never wanted to stand out like a dweeb or a sore loser to be laughed at. Make memories with quality family time. You do not need to perform a major makeover in starting to increase your quality time that you and your family spend together. The following tips ensure that your family time will be stress free and will ensure that you will make your family memories last for a lifetime: Also, there should be a timeout for issues that have been brought up earlier and the issues should be continued at a later time which is another solution for enjoying stress memories. Try to set at least an hour or two aside with your family, before your next scheduled activity.     Honest Parenting                                     Simple parenting techniques that tame difficult kids. Free trial. Hi.My Name is Borhan Sergiu.I am father of 2 kids.What can i say about this product?Only that is incredible good.
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Basics Of Parenting             Today, the one and the only question that is in the minds of everybody is “where are the youth of this generation going?” as the lifestyle and values of the youth is bothering the society to say the least. Though the  problems created by the youth and the problems faced by them are innumerable, it is not the state of affairs of the youth alone that is causing anxiety. The baby on its way into this world, new born babies and the children in different stages of growth  also face and cause problems. While trying to find the root cause of the problem it is the parents who are blamed for it, most of the time.   Though they are not the sole cause, they have a major role to play.   Their success in parenting depends on the kind of parents they are, their environment, the support from the family, the possibility of getting trained for parent hood, the level of education, the nature of the child concerned etc.,. The problems, mostly psychological, would vanish with proper  parenting.  In the early days, people mostly lived in joint families.  The experience and advice the young parents received from the elders, parents, aunts, grand parents, uncles, guided them in the process of parenting.  The children also had many people to support them, to allow them to vent their feelings and  to learn the probable ways of findings solutions to their problems. True Story             While talking to a group of adolescent girls shocking messages came to light.   Many of the adolescent girls were having illicit relationship with auto drivers with whom they were coming to school.   Deeper analysis brought out the fact that these girls were longing for love from their parents.    When an iota of love or something akin to it is shown by the auto driver, they easily fall a prey to the former’s devious designs; of course they suffer later when they find it difficult to extricate themselves from the driver’s clutches.    Only the parents can help these children.    One of the great, noble traits of parenthood is love  and that alone can cure many ills faced by the children and youth. It can help the girls to retrieve themselves1.             In yet another instance, a 5 years old orphan boy in a care centre for the AIDS infected persons   stunned the onlookers by saying that if his father had had proper parenting, he would not have gone astray and ended with AIDS, infecting his mother too2. Even this small lad knows the importance of parenthood.   Everyone knows about parenting and follow the kind of parenting demonstrated by their parents or that which they have learnt through courses or training or advice given by psychologists or gurus. Styles of Parenting:             Just as there are different types of human beings, there are different types of styles of parents.    The parents’ style influences the level and kind of development of the child.    Whatever may be the style of parenting the essentials to be looked into are, “Express your love, make your child feel secure. Build their self-esteem. Stay flexible and recognize the time for change as your child grows. Communicate openly and honestly and be confident  in your own ability”3. When you talk to your child, you should be actually listening not just hearing.             There are different types of parenting, such as “Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive4”.   Parents who are very clear about their role and give instructions with confidence can be considered as Authoritative.   The Reader’s Digest Great Dictionary of the English language shows that authoritative means commanding and self confident, while authoritarian implies, favoring or enforcing strict obedience to authority5.  It is similar to dictatorship.             Another variety of parenting is known as permissive.  These parents allow their children to follow their own path, mostly non-interfering.   It is similar to saying, “let the sleeping dogs lie” as they are.   These parents do not want to follow any strict rules or take up much responsibility in bringing up their children.   There is another mode of classifying the parents.   According to this classification, there are three types of parents, such as Consultant, Helicopter, Dull Sergeants6. Three Types of Parents             CONSULTANT   HELICOPTER   DRILL SERGEANT   This Love and Logic parent provides guidance and consultant services for children   This parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live.   This parent commands and directs the lives of children. 1. The Love and Logic parent provides messages of personal worth and strength 1. provides messages of weakness and low personal worth 1. provides messages of low personal worth and resistance 2. The Love and Logic parent very seldom mentions responsibilities 2. makes excuses for the child, but complains about mishandled responsibilities 2. makes lots of demands and has lots of expectations about responsibility. 3. The Love and Logic parent demonstrates how to take care of self and be responsible 3. “takes on” the responsibility of the child 3. tells the child how he /she should handle responsibility 4. The Love and Logic parent shares personal feelings about own performance and responsibilities 4. protects the child from any possible negative feelings 4. tells the child how he / she should feel 5. The Love and Logic parent provides and helps child explore alternatives and then allows child to make his / her own decision 5. makes decisions for the child 5. provides absolutes : “This is the decision you should make”. 6. The Love and Logic parent provides “time frames” in which child may complete responsibilities 6. provides no structure, but complaints, “After all I’ve done for you…” 6. demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now 7. The Love and Logic parent models doing a good job, finishing, cleaning up, feeling good about it. 7. whines and uses guilt : “When are you ever going to learn.   I always have to clean up after you.” 7. issues orders and threats: “You get that room cleaned up or else…” 8. The Love and Logic parent often asks self, “Who owns the problem?” helps the child explore solutions to his / her problem 8. whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes “me” much work and responsibility 8. takes over ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem 9. The Love and Logic parent uses lots of actions, but very few words 9. uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible 9. uses lots of harsh words, very few actions 10. The Love and Logic parent allows child to experience life’s natural consequences and allows them to serve as the teacher 10. protects child from natural consequences, uses guilt as the teacher 10. uses punishment; pain and humiliation can serve as the teacher. Source: http://www.loveandlogic.com/pdfs/threetypes.pdf One way to identify the kind of parents is by analyzing the kind of gifts they give to their children in order to make them do any specific activity.  Some parents have a survival mentality; they give their child “whatever” just to make them do the job. Some parents operate with a default mentality.    They give their child what is popular without considering whether it will be the most helpful. In actual practice the parent should be operating deliberately and purposefully, giving the child what is useful after carefully thinking through.    They are usually known as “intentional parents” 7.   Depending on what kind or type of parents they are, the goals, and gifts also change.    In the case of permissive parents, the guiding motive will be, “If I can just make it through the child – rearing years, I can get my life back”.   Their goal will be “jilting the kids out of the house”.  They follow the easiest method of doing whatever is easy to do.  Hence, they use bribes, threats and use TV as a baby sitter8.             On the other hand, those “who want to give the child what will be best and most helpful for him”, will have the goal of preparing the child for life as a productive adult. They would spend quality time with the child, imparting ethical values to the child.  The gifts given by such parents would be, “religious books, enjoyable pastimes, academics, home skills and chances for socialization” 9.             If a child is to be successful in life, the appropriate parental care is necessary.    But, of course, there are children who grow up into successful adults, in spite of defective parenting.   But such cases are very rare.   The society at present is facing problems of parenting especially in the case of single parent, divorced parents, simple and extended families. Most of the children brought up by single parent and unmarried mothers, find it difficult to cope with the pressures in the family and society. Parenting Skills:             With, hectic work schedule of the parents, the heavy load of learning coupled with  many distractions and the problems faced by the society, the children are looking for the support of their parents for a secure life.    It is ordinarily observed that parenting without proper foundation has always and indefinitely led to confusions in  child development.    What is essential is Ø  Developing and clarifying clear communicative expectations. Ø  Staying calm in the midst of turmoil Ø  Encouraging positive consequences and consistency. Ø  Being the role model to your child. Ø  Effective praising.10             To be a successful parent discipline is necessary.  At the same time, there should be consistency in whatever the parents are saying and doing, parents should have a preplanned, pre-developed strategy to teach proper behaviour to the child. That is, both the parents,or the single parent should make their expectations clear to the child. , Both of them can sail smoothly while bringing up their child.    They should be very specific and firm in teaching their children. Moreover, the parents must take into consideration the child’s age, ability, developmental status and the resources that are available for the family.11   Once the expectations are clearly stated, it is necessary that both the parents should communicate it to the child, without contradictions.    In addition to these, there should be frequent family ‘get togethers’.  Instead of punishing the child for not abiding by the expectations, it will be better to have discussions to clear the child’s doubts and parents being role models.             Ray Burke states that “Children can be sarcastic, defiant, rebellious and possibly violent, parents have to prepare themselves for times like these and learn to keep cool” 12.   Yet another way to increase or encourage desirable behavior is to use positive consequences.    What the parents should remember is to use the positive consequences that would work with the child.   While developing a child’s behavior the parents should remember “consistency”.    Consistency is the key to being a successful parent.    This gives the message to the child that “your parents are reliable and serious”.             The most important aspect of successful parents is that the parents should be role model for their child 13. The parent should be a positive role model for their child to follow.    As Ray Burke say, “Praise is powerful…. Praise is nourishment.   It helps in the emotional development.  It helps in building up self-esteem, belief of personal satisfaction, feeling of security.”14    The praise should be communicated to the child either verbally or through action. Parenting Skills : Ø  Discipline Ø  Education Ø  Finance With the social changes,  the extended family that existed earlier, which played the vital role of a model, a shock absorber, a vent for relieving one’s feelings has become a thing of the past.   Hence, the parents of the modern era have to learn creative ways of bringing up their children.   It is found that the most important but controversial parenting skills is DISCIPLINE.   Whether the method is, redirection, time-outs, loss of privileges, grounding, extra chores, or sparking, the parents should embrace their role to train their children to become moral and respectable adults15. The second skill to be acquired by the parents is regarding education.  The parents should also be educating their children in moral values.   The child’s education should take into consideration certain important facts16: v  Family’s financial status. v  Quality of local public and private schools. v  Level of parental education. v  Personalities of parents and children. v  Home schooling support and resources. v  The involvement of the parents in the child’s education. Besides education, one of the important parenting skills is the effective way of dealing with financial issues.    The demand for expenditure for rearing the child, medical, hygienic needs etc. are soaring high today.     Hence, a successful parent should know what is essential and what is not before deciding upon the expenditure of the limited resources. Conclusion             There is no doubt that children bring us much joy and much responsibility.   Most of the stress and worry of bringing them up can be reduced or removed with proper, careful planning.    The parents should plan when to have a child.   The working mother, if she is to stay at home, once the child is born, should plan earlier to save as much as possible and cut down the family expenditure.   Both the parents have to plan to set aside enough time to be with the child, not only when it is a baby, but till the child becomes an adult.              The parents, need not be only the problematic, should avail of training in parenting skill as much as possible. First of all, both parents should have a congenial and frank communication between them.   Only then, once the child comes into the family, they will be able to communicate with the child easily.   Further the “ego”, the concept of “I” should be relegated to the background.    It is possible that the child becomes sick at times mildly, at times seriously.    Both the parents should take responsibility of looking after the child, not blaming each other as the cause of sickness.    The child rearing, though filled with difficulties, hurdles and events that test one’s tolerance, is undoubtedly a pleasure.  It is a joy.   A successful parent should know how to smile.    That will reduce the stress and pain of the child.    As it grows into adolescent stage, the skills of the parents should be developed further.    They should know more about the physique, the psychology and mental development of the child.             It should be remembered that the requisites of  an effective parent are dedication, attention, love and constant denial of easily administering swift punishment. Though parenting is time consuming, the fruits are very attractive.    The future generation and its success depends on the effective, successful and cheerful parents of today to a great extent. END NOTES 1.       Author’s personal experience 2.       Ibid. 3.       http://www.raisingkids.co.uk 10.14.2008